It’s an odd time of year, isn’t it? It feels odd to me anyway. I am at once coming and going, finishing and starting, looking back and looking ahead. Which can give a gal a bit of whiplash, you know?

But, as long as I remember to slow down a bit, the process of looking back on 2009 – reflecting on what I accomplished, what I want to carry forward and what I want to leave behind – and what new things I want to build and explore in the coming year is ultimately a rewarding and valuable process.

Especially when I have a tool in my tool box like a Living Theme. Because questions like “What do I want to carry forward and what do I want to leave behind?” or “What to I want to achieve in the coming year?” can quickly devolve into -ick- new year’s resolutions. Which are depressing and never work.

Creating a Theme for each new year is a technique I learned from my life coach, Laura Burkey. I’ve participated in her annual tradition of creating a Living Theme since 2004 and haven’t made a new year’s resolution since. It’s way more fun than making a list of shortcomings that need fixing and a whole lot more effective – and this past year was no exception.

the theme

My Living Theme for 2009 has been Relate Generously. For me, this had to do with everything from relating more generously to my spouse, family and friends; relating more generously to myself, my body and self-care; being more generous in my business with colleagues and clients; and having a more generous relationship with money.

I wanted a greater sense of security, abundance, intimacy and connection in all these areas of my life. And in the mysterious way things so often happen when you set a clear intention and write some stuff down – I gained an astonishing amount of what I asked for at the beginning of 2009.

the results

Looking back on my notes I am most struck by how much I wanted a closer circle of professional peers and a just-right group of clients and students. Which I have been blessed with by the bucket-full in wonderful ways I could not have imagined a year ago. I adore you all.

I am also struck by my wish for a greater sense of belonging and confidence, a greater willingness to take risks instead of delaying gratification or worrying about being good enough or what others thought. Wow did that come about in a big way, too.

And it came about when I figured out the how that supported my theme of Relate Generously.

the how

Perhaps you’re familiar with the idea that how we do one thing is how we do everything? Or, as Havi would put it, our patterns are all reflections of each other? If you can get at that core habit or behavior, you can shift a lot of stuff – which is one thing a Theme is really good for.

For much of the year, I’ve had the phrase “do the half-right thing” stuck on my computer where I can see it every day. It reminds me to do what I can when I can’t do what I want to do in the perfect way I want to do it. Wanting to do things in a precise way is a pattern that has often gotten in the way of me relating generously.

• If I only have a portion of what I intended prepared for a post or email, I keep people waiting while I finish instead of sharing what I have now and providing the rest later.
• If I don’t have time to take the long daily walk I committed to, I deny myself and my dog exercise by not taking a walk at all instead of taking a short one.
• If I don’t feel like cleaning the house, I continue to live in dirt and clutter instead of choosing a few key chores that would make me feel better about my space.
• If I don’t have something brilliant to say, I remain silent instead of showing up in small human ways and just being present for people.
• and on and on and on…

This year, because I was more focused on and committed to generosity than perfection, I was able to make big shifts in this pattern. Is it gone? Hardly. But the conscious practice of consistently putting half of myself out there has made a big difference. I can see it in my relationships, my business – even my bank balance.

all because of seven words

Relate Generously (do the half-right thing).

This theme stuff works. It works so well and I love it so much, I asked Laura if she would pretty-please share this tradition with all of you. And – yay! – she said yes. You can learn more about her experience with annual Themes and register for an engaging tele-workshop with us at my website.

A theme is a simple, yet powerful alternative to resolutions – and a tool I encourage you to add to your own toolbox. I hope you will join us.

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This event is the first in a new monthly series – Guest Guides – in which I’ll be introducing smart people who know cool stuff I want share with you. Announcements about future events to come.

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So, two weekends later, I’m still practicing unplugging from work and plugging into play and rest.

As mentioned last time, it’s tricky.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when you overwhelm yourself, you tend to overwhelm the people around you.

The Monday after my last post, I unexpectedly but very pleasantly and romantically received flowers out of the blue from my husband.  The card read, “Thank you for taking care of me over a fabulous weekend.” Now, I didn’t do any particularly unusual caretaking (from my perspective anyway), but I was present. Less distracted. And almost surely better company for being relaxed and in play mode. In taking care of myself I was taking care of someone I love. Imagine that.

The extras are worth it.

These I’ve continued to give myself – and not just on the weekend. Though small, they make a huge difference. Like going to the grocery store where I really wanted to shop. Quality seems to beget quality – and I’ve discovered an energy and momentum to it that I like a lot.

How you set it up matters.

What I do on Friday determines what I do Saturday and Sunday. It’s crucial to close the week in some way. And what I do Saturday morning matters even more. Those first few hours set the tone for the weekend. Pick the wrong thing and I fail to unplug. Going with my first inclination trips me up because my work-brain is still doing a lot of the driving. Until I get better at this, my play time needs to be approached with clear intent (and a few boundaries).

And it’s this last lesson that inspired me.

Taking back the weekend is a Bite the Candy kind of thing! Only upside down.

It’s not about finishing what we’ve put off, but finishing what needs finishing right now, this week, so we can take a time out without distraction or worry.

Because I’m pretty sure some of y’all reading this are in the same situation I am – wearing yourself out with devotion to your growing enterprise and not allowing yourself a breather until physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted – I invite you to take back the weekend along with me and join a special Bite the Candy series.

I’m calling it Never on a Sunday in honor of Lena Horne’s spectacular recording of the song of that same name:

For a whole lot of years, I worked seven nights a week, three or four shows a night and… I got a little tired. I think everybody deserves at least one day a week off – even this lady…

You can kiss me on a Monday, a Monday, a Monday is very very good.
You can kiss me on a Tuesday, a Tuesday, a Tuesday – in fact I wish you would.
You can kiss me on a Wednesday, a Thursday, a Friday, Saturday is best.
But never never on a Sunday, a Sunday, a Sunday ’cause that’s my day of rest…”

It starts soon. August 7. But what better time to take back the weekend?
I mean, it’s summer after all. It’s time to play.

I hope you’ll join me.

Learn all the details and register here.

If you’ve been considering becoming Time Disciple with me – today is the day.

Please join the True Discipline of Time Management. By this spring, you could be on your way to calm, prepared, energized, confident – and ready for anything.

> registration closes TODAY, Friday, February 6 (only five spots remain)

This post is part of a series that began here. By sharing my “lessons learned” I hope to illustrate the power of this daily practice of gentle self-observation. Please follow along and share your own.

You think you’ve done your homework. You think maybe you’re getting the hang of writing this sales copy stuff. And then you realize to your dismay that in addressing the problem, you’ve perhaps overstated the problem and left out people who could really benefit from what you’re offering (yikes!). So…

An important clarification about the upcoming True Discipline of Time Management course.

If you were thinking about joining the class, but weren’t sure it would be helpful because your situation is not quite as extreme as the one I described…

Perhaps you’ve just come to realize that your current way of doing things, though it works pretty well most days, is holding you back…

And you know need to make some changes to do that next big thing you want to do, but so far, that’s proving easier said than done…

Or maybe you’ve taken on something new and now a routine that once worked, doesn’t anymore – and the resulting turbulence is starting to really throw you off…

This class could be the right one for you.

You don’t have to be in total overwhelm to benefit from this approach.

Early bird registration ends tomorrow (Friday, 1/23).

Come be a Time Disciple with me!  All the details are here.

I had a forced Bite the Candy session yesterday.  The power was out for about an hour, which – unlike, say, losing my internet connection – meant I couldn’t keep working offline or throw in a load of wash or, well, do anything that required electricity.  Which in my world turns out to be not very much (troubling and worth exploring, but not my point today).

So I put things away. More specifically, I put away the stuff that’s been sitting on top of the little file cabinet next to my desk for, oh, I don’t know how long.

I put away the teetering stack of CDs.

I sorted through an old (as in: untouched for two years) client binder – which came down to emptying it and putting the contents through the shredder into the recycling bin.

And then the power returned.

I still have another binder to go, but (as usual) I was amazed by how much I got done in the space of a distraction-free hour.

That’s my first point: distraction-free.

My second point is this:
Not to get all coach-y on you, but when you eliminate tolerations you create the space for new things to come into your life.

And I am very close to having a clear space on which I can place the new all-in-one printer I’ve been ogling. And once I have that, I can get rid of the ancient fax, scanner and printer that are taking up more than their fair share of space in my office, so – more space for good new things!

This eliminating tolerations stuff totally works.

After participating in the Morning Meetings at CubeSpace last fall, I got to thinking… Why limit the opportunity to ask questions to those who can meet me at a specific time and location? There are easier ways for me to help more people. Technology is handy that way. So, if you need a little guidance or a nudge in the right direction – just ask here.

Of course, you can still ask me your burning questions about organization, time management or anything else related to the admin of your creative business in this space, too.

Oh, and by the way, if you have some big hairy questions – or need help with a specific area of your business or special project – or want more individualized attention than is available in a class – I currently have four openings available for one-on-one coaching at 2008 rates. (Yes, it’s a year-end close-out of last year’s model. When they’re gone, they’re gone. Seize the moment.)

Get-in-Gear Fridays are back. Except they aren’t on Fridays anymore and it’s not about getting in gear. The phrase feels a bit naggy, don’t you think? Like your mom asking you for the umpteenth time to clean your room. Like you aren’t already working hard enough. That is so not what these sessions are about. It’s about having guilt-free fun finishing something you’ve been putting off. It’s about discovering the treats at the bottom of your to-do list.

Which is why I gave it a new name.  And while I am quite enamored with this tootsie-pop metaphor I’ve got going on, I’m a little nervous that it sounds… naughty. That it implies something completely different from what I intend. I mean, I didn’t understand for the longest time why people thought the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies might have wanted to reconsider the name of their band. I’m naive that way.

I hope you like it as much as I do.  I hope you get it. I hope you think it’s fun(ny).  But if it’s totally inappropriate, you’ll tell me, won’t you? You know, in the way you’d tell me I have spinach in my teeth or toilet paper on my shoe? Thanks.

Here’s the dealio…

When we put something off – even a simple task – it can become encased in layers and layers of stories: our excuses for not doing it in the first place, our guilt about not having done it long ago, and so forth.

That unfinished task becomes a giant tootsie-pop of a to-do, yet at the center remains the yummy tootsie-roll goodness of having gotten the thing done.

And we we all know there are two ways to eat a tootsie pop: you can slowly lick your way to the center or you can just bite the candy and enjoy it now.

Sometimes you need to take your time. Sometimes you need to explore what your procrastination and resistance to this thing is all about. Sometimes you need to be patient with the process and yourself. Sometimes you need Havi. Or Jennifer.

But sometimes all you need is a period of focused time – along with a bit of guidance, accountability, encouragement, humor and comraderie – to finally get that tootsie-pop off your to-do list. And that’s what Bite the Candy sessions are here for. First session of 2009 will be Thursday, January 29.  learn more here

I’m bringing back the True Discipline of Time Management class in a bigger and better form. If the following describes you, please consider joining me for an exploration of time, beginning February 16.

Overwhelmed. Overcommitted. Disorganized. Late. Forgetful.

You’re drained. Maybe a little panicked. Also feeling a bit guilty.

You feel “behind” all the time, yet are dogged by procrastination.
When doing one thing, you have the nagging feeling you should be doing something else.

It’s all work and no play these days.
You’re busy, but not with what matters.

You would give your left arm for more time in the studio. Or a good night’s sleep. Or time just to be.

So you buy a book.

Before sacrificing an appendage, you decide to get your hands on the latest bestseller about time-management (maybe you buy the matching day-planner, too) which either…

• Never makes it out of the shopping bag.
• or: Sits on your nightstand with a bookmark at the end of the first chapter. For months.
• or: Is read from cover to cover, but just makes things worse. Like you have time for that.

Who does this guy think his system works for?!

It works for linear thinkers. Folks who dig a lot of structure. People with less independence in their work.

He hasn’t written that book for you. You’re nothing like that.

You need to create your own system.

You are rare. Unique. Delightful just the way you are. And nobody knows you better than you. Certainly not that productivity guru.

Besides, you know you want to do your own thing anyway. Admit it. Conformity is not your style.

But if you could figure out this time-management stuff by yourself, you wouldn’t be in this mess. You need some guidance to help you sort out what works for you and what doesn’t.

This class will show you how.

In creating your very own time-management strategy (which is really the process of changing your relationship with time), we will take advantage of your right-brain traits and put them to good use.

• Instead of repetition and routine, we will focus on rhythm and pattern.
• Instead of strict structures, we will allow for the flexibility and spontaneity that life and the creative muse demands.
• Instead of logic and analysis, we’ll make decisions according to heart and intuition (intuition is a huge time-saver).
• Instead of predetermined plans, we will be guided by feedback.
• Instead of words and charts, our time will be shaped by resonant imagery.
• Instead of a compartmentalizing, we will develop calendars that reflect a holistic and synergistic life.

You already have the answers. You just need a way to get at the information.

This stuff works.

I’ve been in that overwhelmed, overcommitted, disorganized, late, forgetful, drained, panicked, guilty place. Oh, things might have looked neat and tidy on the surface, but underneath – chaos. And a lot of struggle. Not to mention shame.

I had to find a different way of doing things or I was going to drown.

Conventional strategies didn’t work. Disciplining myself didn’t work – at least until I approached discipline in its true sense – to learn.

I became a Time Disciple. Through compassionate self-observation I learned how to organize my time and tasks in ways that feel natural and are effective.

I use this system every day because it works.

> get all the details about class content, format & registration

If you are ready to leave that overwhelmed, over-committed, disorganized, late, forgetful, drained, panicked, guilty place you’re in right now…

If you are tired of trying to force your activities into boxes on a calendar and discipline yourself to conform to a schedule…

If you just want to stay organized and get things done without all the fuss…

If you would like to stop punishing yourself and learn how to work with your own unique sense of time…

…please join me.

By this spring, you could be on your way to calm, prepared, on time, energized, confident – and ready for anything.