It’s Friday. Time for the occasional round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned.

It happens every time.

Early on, I didn’t understand it at all. But now, when it shows up, I recognize it for what it is.

Maybe someday soon, I’ll learn to anticipate it. You know, plan for it with a supportive system.

But, for now, I’m happy just to have nipped it in the proverbial bud.

Every single time I’m about two-thirds of the way through teaching something new, I discover the two dozen things that would make it way better next time.

Which is great for next time.

And I know that without trying things out, I would never discover what would make them better. I know this is how the process works.

The only problem is, all that information just leaves me feeling like I’ve shortchanged my beta students.

Which I haven’t. Just because something could be more awesome doesn’t make the current version less-than-awesome.

What I’m feeling is not what they are experiencing.

And for the first time ever, I remembered that sooner rather than later and didn’t let my unnecessarily guilty conscience paralyze me or go too crazy with the making-up-for-it.

This time, I’m putting my energy into version 1.1, instead of apologizing for 1.0.

And to this recovering perfectionist, that feels like huge progress.

• • • • •

What did you learn this week?

• • • • •

It’s Friday. Time for the occasional round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned.

My muse understands sovereignty.

She knows exactly what she wants and she knows how to get it. That is one clear and insistent voice. On the one hand, I’d be a fool not to obey it. On the other, I want to shout, “You’re not the boss of me!” I need to be sovereign too, but without alienating her, you know? I like it when she hangs around. I like learning from her. But, well, writing is hard. Our playing nicely together needs to include more recess and naps. Or something.

Connection rocks.

Whether it’s my mastermind group, students, old and new friends on Twitter, or my Tuesday afternoon partner-in-doing at a cafe (three cheers for the shocking productivity of getting away from one’s desk!) – it’s better together. This is nothing new, but I don’t know if I will ever cease to be amazed by the energy that comes from connecting with one’s tribe (even after one has been put through the wringer by one’s muse). [blows grateful kisses to you all]

I’ve learned a lot in the last year.

Speaking of writing, I’ve been reviewing material I wrote about a year ago in preparation for a new course – and it’s weird. It’s like reading my own work and another author’s work at the same time. Some of it still seems smart and relevant, but there are points at which I have no idea what I’m talking about. While it’s more exciting than discouraging that I pretty much need to start from scratch – I’m glad for the clarity of knowing more now than I did then – I’m still making peace with the time and energy that will take.

Because it means choosing. This thing expanding means something else has to go. Oh, if only I had the capacity to give attention to everything I want to do right now!

I am on a precipice.

Which, of course, is a little scary. I’ve been aware of being in this space this for awhile now, but this week I realized what I’m afraid of. I’m on the edge of changing an old, worn out pattern of behavior and replacing it with a better one – which is good. But I’m terribly nervous I’ll slip back into old ways of thinking and doing. Instead of hoping it’ll all work out, I’m giving lots of thought to the flotation devices needed here to support this transition (maybe my muse can help me).

When it’s not about choosing, it’s all about transitions. The longer I do what I do, the more people I work with, the more closely I look at this stuff – the more I’m convinced it’s the spaces between things that mess us up. Give attention to creating bridges and safety nets for yourself – and you’ll be okay.

• • • • •

What did you learn this week?

• • • • •

At the beginning of this week, I responded to Jennifer Louden’s* “Choose Your Life Mondays” blog post with this:

“I choose to find the good this week by not trying so hard to make the good happen. It’s a bit scary to be open to possibility (opening can hurt, as you point out). But then again there isn’t room for much of anything beautiful within the narrow focus and tight grasp of control. So here goes…”

[ * Can I write a post without mentioning Jen? Gawd, I am such a groupie. ]

Here’s what I learned about letting go…

Letting go of opinion.

Other people’s that is.
I wrote a newsletter that I was a bit freaked out to send – and got the most fabulous fan mail. (Thank you.) I wrote lots of tardy email replies that I felt terribly guilty about only to get responses like, “Don’t ever worry about ‘not replying sooner’ – we all have lives beyond our computers that are a lot more important!”

Lesson Learned: Since I’m not good at guessing what other people are thinking anyway, I’m going to stop worrying about it so much. (Hear that, Stat Crack? You’re next.)

Letting go of the past.

There was period in my life a few years back that was pretty darn dark. And my recovery – the latter part after I had moved through the worst of it – included removing any and all reminders of that period. It was mostly physical reminders I did away with, but some babies got thrown out with the bathwater (as they say) in the form of relationships. You know. People. Lovely, lovely people. I’ve had a few of those people seek me out or stumble upon me in recent months – and reconnecting with them has been the most delightful and healing of reunions (they too were not thinking the kinds of thoughts about me I thought they were thinking). Case in point: catching up with the incomparable Stacy Brice. That was one fun (and long) conversation.

Lesson Learned: Though we are shaped by it, we are not defined or limited by our past.

Letting go of anxiety.

This is tricky because I need to do this through my body. But when I’m grasping, the last thing I want to do is stop and go walk or eat or brush my teeth or sleep or just breathe. Must Do! says my Worried Hamster, but I’m a wreck without that stuff.

Lesson Learned: In progress. My hamster and I still have a lot of negotiating to do on this one. Sensing an imminent breakthrough, though. This helped.

And what did I gain by letting go?

I do a little wrap-up of the week on Friday mornings and one of the questions I ask myself is “Who did I connect with?” And this week’s answer just blew me away. My cup runneth over with all the beautiful souls whose paths crossed mine in some meaningful way in the past five days. It’s staggering. And it has been so much fun.

Such are the rich returns of – I was going to saying being not doing – but it’s really doing with more genuine, open, trusting being-ness.

What did you learn this week?

• • • • •

It’s Friday. Time for the occasional round-up of the week’s month’s Lessons Learned.

I usually think of December as the hardest month. Which is why I rarely plan anything more for December than hibernation.

But -oof- this past month seems worse than any December ever. I mean, the hard part of February is usually the cabin fever, but then it gets lighter in the morning and stuff starts blooming (at least it does in these parts) and you feel hope returning with all those little bud-lets – and it’s okay.

But not this February.

This February I’ve either been getting sick and recovering from that, or getting bad news and recovering from feeling like Life sucker punched me in the gut.

And it seems to be going around. In almost every group I’m a part of, at least half the people have been going through the most awful stuff. Maybe you’re experiencing it too.

And maybe, like me, you’d find it useful to look back at what the heck just happened before telling February: Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

This month’s lessons learned…

I have good systems. My systems are so good they are drop-everything-and-go-to-a-retreat proof. But they are not common-cold proof. Nor sucker-punch proof. At least not when all three come at me in as many weeks. I don’t know that any system is sucker-punch proof. But right now, I’d settle for something that would just show me what didn’t get done while I was busy catching my breath so I knew how to pick up where I left off. I have some ideas about how to do this that have to do with my current love-affair with checklists. And buffers. We’ll see. But at this moment, things are way too messy for comfort.

Which bring us to: I hate untimely messes. I don’t like doing work that is about cleaning up the past. About “catching up.” About “I’m sorry this is so late.” I’m much more interested in working in the present/future. I know this stuff happens, life happens, sucker-punches happen. But still… Thinking about the floatation devices needed for these occasions.

Which then bring us to: Follow-up/follow-through is my kryptonite. Workin’ on the antidote. It’s all about making finishing easy. And probably more checklists (and more floatation devices).

The clever, the gimmicky, the borderline manipulative? All create administrative headaches. Clean, clear offers = systems bliss. (Surprised I didn’t notice this before.)

When something isn’t working and your Worried Hamster insists you should do something completely different instead, just keep it busy with its critter cruiser (or its dazzle critter carriage if it’s more easily distracted by glitter) and do what you’re already doing, only better.

I’ve also learned that people are very supportive, understanding and forgiving (thank you). And that I’m not the only with a dark and inappropriate sense of humor when it comes to coping with bad news. I’m grateful for a lot of things in the midst of all the yuck this month, but mostly for all the laughter.

And the thing is, it is lighter in the morning and everything is blooming and it will be March in a few days. And we’ll all get a fresh, new spring-timey Do-Over. I love me a clean slate.

And there’s so much to look forward to this spring – almost an embarrassment of riches…

• next Thursday’s very timely and much-needed workshop on Inner Spring Cleaning with stuff-shifting sound-master Fabeku
• not one but two (yes, a Saturday!) Bite the Candy sessions in March
• the Living Theme Booster Program (I know my annual theme could use a boost)
• another opportunity to become a Time Disciple and heal your relationship with Time
• and the soon-to-be-revealed make-over of the Organic Business Manual course (stay tuned)

Lots of doings around here. All good. And all more than enough to make February a distant memory.

Whatever your experience this month, what have you learned about what you want to leave behind or carry forward into March?

• • • • •

It’s Friday. Time for the occasional round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned.

Lesson #1: Biggification is tricky.

Seems like there is far more information and dialogue out there about how to build your business than how to cope with its growth. But the challenges never go away, they just change.

• Yes, you have more momentum – but you also have more moving parts to manage.
• Yes, you make more money – but you’re also spending more on necessary infrastructure.
• Yes, you have more raving fans – but more of those fans think imitation is the best form of flattery.
• Yes, you have a greater reach – but now any mistakes you make affect more people.
• Yes, you get to have more inspiring interactions with people – but for every ten fun, thrilling conversations you now get have at least one really difficult one.
• Yes, you help more people feel understood – but those closest to you may now feel confused about what you do.

The only thing that makes this less hard is knowing it was coming. Not the specific details, but I was under no illusion that once I figured certain things out then the rest would be smooth sailing.

The answers are in systems. And communication. And meditation. And self-care. Possibly keeping more liquor around the house.

And giving all this new the space it requires. Because new always takes a staggering amount of space.

Lesson #2: Collaboration rocks.

It turns out my business has an annual theme that is different from the broader theme for my life as a whole (golly, it really has become a thing separate from me). Namely: No more Lone Ranger. And I must say it’s has manifested quite nicely this week.

A Monday morning exchange on Twitter with one of my favorite people that turned into a post I would never have thought to write otherwise? - that rocked.

Yesterday’s mind-mapping workshop with Julie Stuart? - totally rocked.

Marissa’s magnificent butt-saving, techno-finessing, crazy-counseling, systems-making genius? - totally rocks.

Never going back to being a Lone Ranger. Everything really is better together.

Lesson #3: My pudding needs more fat.

Earlier this week I was saying to the magnificent Marissa, reminding us in a moment of minor systems chaos: this will all get easier – smooth like pudding.

And once I got the notion of pudding in my head, it wouldn’t leave. So I made pudding for dessert that night – the simple kind: milk, sugar and cocoa thickened with a little cornstarch. It was deliciously chocolatey, but a little thin. It didn’t have that really satisfying mouth feel that comes from a pudding (custard really) made with full-fat dairy and eggs.

Metaphorically speaking, this week I’ve learned I want rich, full-fat, custard-y systems. Not sure exactly what that means yet – maybe something about being thorough – but I intend to figure it out. Because – mmm, pudding.

• • • • •

What did you learn this week?

• • • • •

It’s Friday. Time for a round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned.

Except I am looking back on a murky week. There’s not much I can share with clarity. If there are lessons here, they are not learned – rather still very much in progress. But they center on this:

I let go of something this week. And it turns out that releasing something that represents an identity can bring up all sorts of unexpected weirdness. Or at least an unexpected level and quantity of weirdness. Totally did not see that coming and the space I would need to make for it.

I pulled on a what I thought was a loose thread and ended up unraveling half my sweater.

Which was mostly good. The whole point of the release was to untangle myself from certain threads connecting me to my past.

But as I kept pulling free, I found myself wanting to keep going. To unravel the ill-fitting parts of the sweater knit much more recently. Still good – ultimately – but again: did not anticipate needing to make space for that. It crowded out other planned activities in a way that was discombobulating. And left me feeling naked and vulnerable.

• • • • •

Funny how you can do your best to follow the instructions yet still end up with something not-quite-right.

Bummer. But it happens. So you figure out where you miscounted or dropped a stitch, and go back to that point and begin again.

That’s really all these Lessons Learned are about: finding those places and beginning again, now knowing what you didn’t know then.

I suppose my sense of murkiness or confusion this week is just me trying to locate that starting point.

And wondering what to wear while I rework this thing – because I need something much more cozy and comforting than half a sweater.

Luckily, I have multiple identities and roles in my life – which means I have other sweaters to choose from. I just have to remember to go to my closet and put a different one on instead of needlessly sitting here shivering, feeling all exposed to the drafts of change, in this half-knit mess.

• • • • •

It’s Friday. Time for a round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned.

I think I should preface this whole post with an excerpt from the transcript of my mind chatter this week:

Hamster-wheel mind: “Wow! I’m so tired. I wonder why I’m so tired? I shouldn’t be this tired. But, wow, am I tired!”

Compassionate aware mind: “Um, honey? You’re tired because this is your sixteenth day of working in a row. So please let’s just take a nap already.”

So, while I can look back with satisfaction on the accomplishments of my week, they came at a price. And I am reminded for the umteenth time why I have rules about unplugging regularly.

Under these circumstances, it’s unrealistic to expect to be able to sustain the kind of learning I did last week. And to prove it – here’s the one lesson I am able to glean from my week.

Working in this intense way is a roller coaster ride of highs and lows. Highs from the cool, exciting stuff. Lows from crashing from that stuff.

And being on a roller coaster makes it nearly impossible to engage in the maintenance activities that I find to be so stabilizing.  For me, maintenance activities – cleaning and laundry and cooking and dog walking and filing and whatnot – are the complex carbohydrates that keep me from crashing after the sugar highs. Maintenance normalizes things.

It wasn’t so much having such significant tasks on my to-do list that was so exhausting. It was how they squeezed out the seemingly less significant routine stuff that robbed me of small opportunities to recharge.

So, for the umteenth time, I am reminded to not set myself up for this. Way more lead time, honey, way more lead time…

It’s Friday. Time for a round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned.

In the successful-application-of-previous-lessons-learned category:

I’m using a little worksheet that I invented for myself in thinking about how to close my week on Fridays and unplug for the weekend. Love it. It’s just the right amount of structure to help me transition from work-mind to play-mind. It generates all kinds of good stuff – not least: it makes it much easier to write this post.

Systems are just one big experiment. So it’s super cool when you try something new and it works. And because it works, it’s not such a big deal to follow through with doing it more than once. That happened to me several times this week. I decided to make some tweaks based on a few “never again” lessons, and they stuck. Awesome. [Specific examples to follow in a future post because they are that good.]

In the new-lessons-still-in-need-of-a-flotation-device category:

I learned (once again) that it’s really tricky for me to reflect on my experience (i.e., write blog posts) when I am processing other big ideas (i.e., writing course content).

I learned that the endings and beginnings of classes bring up stuff for me.

I learned that I get pretty cranked up (I mean that in the best possible way) during class calls – then don’t know what to do with that energy afterwords.

In the just-plain-positive-lessons category:

I’m learning there is time to do it now.

I’m learning how to do the half-right thing when I can’t do the whole right thing.

I’m learning that I don’t need to keep checking.

I learned that meditating before I work turns anxious but-I-don’t-have-time-for-this energy into grounded, ready energy. There is a significant difference.

I learned I can nap when I need to with Leonie’s help. (Up till now, I’ve found taking a quick nap to be kinda pointless considering it takes me two hours to fall asleep for a half hour. Not any more.)

I learned it’s really hard to stay cranky about something when I am hula hooping.

I learned (once again) that letting go of a should is not only liberating, but incredibly clarifying. Feeling murky? confused? uncomfortable? There’s probably a hurking big should in there somewhere.

I learned I can make necessary changes in my business without fearing drama or disapproval. There is, in fact, a very good chance I will be supported instead.

I learned I’m finally ready to do something I’ve been putting off.

I learned that seeds I planted in the summer grew and ripened and can now be harvested.

I learned I’ve learned a lot this year.

• • • • •

What did you learn this week?

• • • • •

It’s Friday. Time for a round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned.

Except, in honor of Jen Louden’s week of Freedom from Self-Improvement, instead of compiling my usual list, I thought I’d clarify what this weekly post is about. And what it’s not about.

[ I'm a bit late to the party in sharing this event with you - today is the last day - but you can still get in on the fun. Jen is giving away fabulous stuff, plus today you could win a whole year at the Comfort Cafe - which, as I've said before, is what stands between me and crazy burnout. ]

I am not flogging myself with a wet noodle (as they say) here.

The phrase “Lessons Learned” has connotations that maybe aren’t so nice.

First, there is perhaps an association with the notion of “teaching someone a lesson” – defined as: to get even with someone for bad behavior; to punish someone so that they will not behave badly again; to show what should not be done.

As though my Lessons Learned are somehow punitive insights into my shortcomings that I beat myself up with. Which is so not the case.

No, my association with the phrase originates with where I learned it. I was introduced to the expression in a corporate setting. Fortunately, that was a long time ago and my Dilbert-esque connotations have faded and only the kernel of the idea – “stuff that didn’t go so well that we’d rather not repeat” – has stayed with me.

In that context, it wasn’t about “we screwed up” (the “we” was so huge and bureaucratic I don’t know that anyone really could grasp who the “we” was anyway). It was all about improving policies and procedures – systems – so things would go more smoothly and come closer to desired outcomes next time. They were engineers – a practical bunch – and weren’t much concerned with something as unnecessary to a well-functioning system as self-flagellation. And I’m not either.

This is about Doing. Not Being.

My coach once pointed out that we’re not trying to be better (”You can’t be better, you were born perfect.” she said) – this about doing better.

The distinction has made a huge difference for me. It allowed me to uncouple wanting change from my self-worth, from my understanding that what is happening right now is okay and enough and exactly as it should be.

And all the noticing I’m doing about what is happening, all the evaluations I’m making and conclusions I’m drawing from it, are about what I need to do to make it easier to be me.

Not change me. Be me.

The “lessons” are changes I want to make in the environment and circumstances I create for myself, so that being my true self is a cakewalk.

As often as not, it’s about removing what’s getting in the way. A simplification. A paring down. An elimination of unnecessary rules and shoulds.

It’s not so much fixing as a refinement of all that is already going well, of what is working (though I may not always list that stuff, trust me, it’s there).

It’s a polishing of what is already good and sufficient.

Polishing is optional. And yet it’s not.

I really like learning. And I’m not sure I could stop myself even if I wanted to.

It seems to me we are created to learn. It’s one of the basic things we are born to do. Why else are we walking around with these big brains on the top of our bodies?

And we seem to learn best from trial and error, from our so-called “mistakes.”  Our fallibility has been ideally designed.  Our imperfection is perfect.

To try to eliminate it from our being (or our doing) through “self-improvement” – even if it were possible – would rob us of the best way we have of genuinely improving our lives.

Not by being better, but coming to understand what we can do to make it easy to just be who we are.

And sometimes we don’t need to do anything at all.

Please join Jen and me in giving yourself a day off – and enjoy a little freedom from self-improvement today.

It’s Friday. Time for a round-up of the week’s Lessons Learned – and what a week it was.

Change is in the air.

For many, fall is the true beginning of a new year. It’s unquestionably a time of transition. From one thing to the next. From endings to beginnings.

For me, that means trying new stuff. The only question is: what changes will stick?

Starting with tweaking my schedule. The light is changing. Classes are starting. The timing and sequence of things needs adjusting. That’s normal. But recently, I’ve been immersing myself in Waverly Fitzgerald’s writing about honoring the seasons and holidays – which I love – and it’s added a whole new dimension to this quarterly task. Oohlala.

I’m so lit up about seeing the connections between all the rhythms and rituals I’ve been seeking and experimenting with lately – the relationships of work and play, fall and spring, waking and resting, doing and being. Answers to old questions I’ve been asking – how? – are appearing. And that’s deeply satisfying.

I’ll have to write a separate post about it. There is so much I want share, but it’s still taking shape and is far more than I can synthesize on a Friday afternoon. Suffice to say, this Time Disciple learned a lot about Time this week. Insight for which I’m deeply grateful.

What epiphanies lit you up this week?

• • • • •